After careful examination of my mental state of being, I have been self diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. This is no joking matter. Do you have any idea what it’s like to feel like you are constantly being pulled in different directions? Let me introduce me, my-self, and I to you.
Me: What Me wants is to work part time. What could be more perfect then working half a day and spending the other half with your family? However, this is absolutely not possible for me because (a) there are no part time positions available, and (b) daycare spots only go to those who work full time, thus I will lose my spot at daycare (which is really, really hard to get over here).
My-self: This girl is career driven. She goes to work every morning wearing a freshly pressed suit, carrying a coach briefcase, and sipping coffee. She is confident in her abilities as a professional, but misses spending time with her family.
I: This is my current state of being. I is an unemployed, full time, eek…do I dare say it….homemaker. She yearns to hit the pavement with her heels, head to work, drop the kid off at daycare, and make the big bucks. But she loves all the time she has to spend with her family, keep the house clean, and make dinner that doesn’t come from a box.
Decisions, decisions, decisions. To work or not to work, that is the question? Slightly more difficult than choosing a Halloween costume for my son.
Every minute of every day I am filled with thoughts of what to do and I can’t make up my mind. One minute I am completely satisfied staying at home, because well among other things I can go to the beach whenever I want to. I can grocery shop in the daylight. I can volunteer. I can, I can, I can. BUT then, it’s not all that perfect. The kid starts whining, boredom eating sets in, and the day seems wasted.
I have a mental list I go over and over. Me created it.
Pro’s to working:
- More money
- Value the time with my family more
- Build my career
- I don’t have my child whining and rubbing snot on me all day long
- My son prefers daycare, he needs socialization and he gets bored with me
- More money (it deserves to be mentioned twice since it is the leading factor)
Con’s to working:
- Spend less time with my family
- Higher tax bracket and daycare fee’s mean I really don’t make as much
- My house gets dirty again
- Dinner is whatever I can throw together in under 30 minutes
- No time to volunteer
- Activities (like the beach) can only be done on the weekend
- Less time to focus on graduate school (I only have 3 classes left!)
Nevertheless, the decision has to be made and I am running out of time! I have a daycare spot and I have to choose. Take the spot and continue to job search or decline the spot and stay at home until I finish my MBA (December). If I decline my spot I may never get it back. It could take months.
Good luck with your decision.
ReplyDeleteMEME
It's a hard decision. I'll be praying for you! It wasn't so hard for me because I was a preschool teacher, sooo.....have lots of kids rubbing their snot on me all day...or just one. ha.
ReplyDeleteI agree...the the part time bit seems like the best of both worlds. I dream about it sometimes.
If you do stay home though...there are lots of ways to make your time more intentional. We go on a "field trip" somewhere every day...whether it's the library, running errands, the beach, museum,play center, or a play date. I've recently just started doing more learning exercises/experiences and having themes for the week (my preschool background really helps out here). And most importantly, I find other stay at home momma's for lots of play dates because that is good for Adoration but it's good for me too. We fill up our week and I schedule our days so they go by pretty fast and helps keep both of us from being bored.
whatever decision, Good luck girl!
That is my decision right now too. Only slightly different.. If I work, then I'm just paying for daycare. If I dont work.. we keep "just getting by". It's stupid. :( Good luck in what you decide.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy Japan, enjoy the first two or three years of your son's life, and enjoy your family, volunteer!!! You have so much to offer to the community and you can learn so much from the Japanese culture, it may be once in a life time experience. If you can afford to stay home, enjoy it! Either way, you are always going to think about what could have been if you would have chosen a different path. Remember, you have accomplished so much at such a young age, once your son start school, you have the rest of your life to focus in your career. Blessings in what you decide...
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely a tough decision. I wonder if you WERE able to find a part-time job, if you could find some kind of babysitter instead of daycare? But then I also can agree with what "Anonymous" above said...it seems like such an awesome situation to savor while Landon's young. Good luck deciding!!
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